The Final Solution: Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter

To start off, this movie was suggested to me by a bunch of our readers and Jim insisted I watch it for ... the quality of the movie. Can anyone really take this movie seriously with that title? It stars a bunch of Canucks from Ottawa, I can only guess they are a bunch of college/university kids. The production value is minimal and acting feels awkward and annoying. The story is lack luster with tons of plot holes and felt like a 12 year old wrote it. But damn the heavens, this movie was so much fun! Read more to find out why this movie gave me such a blast.

Is Puneet crazy? Am I finally loosing it? To be honest, I think I was already loosing it. But that isn't the point. The main reason I loved this movie so much was because it was corny, funny and you know that this movie was done after somebody lost a bet, or a drunken idea. Yeah, I could list you all that was wrong with this movie, but what is the fun in that? This movie had it all in DO NOT DO in the film industry. So what that the film looked like it was made in the 1990's (even though it was made in the 2000). So who cares that the action scenes seemed like it was choreographed by a 10 year old, a 10 year old that knew about camera angles. This movie was so fun to watch.

Those typical Canadian lesbian Vampires

It had Jesus Christ (yes, the lord's son himself), who gets a hair cut, shaves his beard and pierces both his ear. Who than, went around and kicked vampire ass, who were mostly lesbians, no seriously they were! Jesus' side kick, Santos the Mexican wrestler (Yes he wore a mask through the WHOLE movie) helped in the ass kicking. Also, Santos' assistant, for some reason, got her ass groped by almost all the males in the film, and acted all nonchalant after. And to finish off a smoking Mary Magnum, who wore a tight red latex onsie. Oh father I have committed a sin, I thought of impure thoughts on your son's whore, who carried a bloody magnum around!

There a few scenes I want to point out, on account they were pant-pissing funny. There is one fight scene where Jesus fights the evil Atheist, who come out of a small Jeep. Now how many come out? 3 waves of 6 Atheist in each wave, YEAH DOTA IN REAL LIFE, BITCHES. Not only does he kick all their asses, he does it with Holy style! Another part of the movie is when Jesus blesses the beer in his hand, sips it and than throws it at the Vampires who get burned by the holy beer, a waste of beer if you ask me, but bad ass nonetheless. I think I will stop with all the scenes I am seeing, I don't want to spoil the movie for you.

I tell you what, this movie almost wants me to go to church (besides the fact I am not a catholic and I pray to a God with 6 arms and a cow), if the bible had this much comedy in the book, maybe I would of read more than the revelation. In regards to the bible, I didn't get the narrator, who looked like a Jewish Rabbi/Amish gentlefolk, what was the deal with that.

Wait are you guys/ladies still reading this review? STOP, your highest priority is to go to your local video store, rent/buy this movie and ENJOY IT. Honeslty, what else do I have to say about this movie to sell it to you? Its is funny, wholesome and made by a bunch of drunk Canooks.
Also, he is the only force fighting the evils of Team Edward and Team Jacob.... he is doing all of us a favour.