Oh God, it's here: The Happening

I have heard loads about “The Happening” (more bad than good), never seen it or even cared about it. I liked “The Signs” and “The Village” was okay. Also, one of my goals this year is to find the worst of the worst movies, and I usually stick to the B list movies. But today, I checked out a pretty high profile release by the amazing M. Night Shyamalan. It also casts Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel, both who I think are good actors, but not in this movie. The full details of my pain after the jump.

Yes I did watch this movie voluntarily, and no I am not on any kind of prescription drugs. The story of this movie is that there is some weird airborne virus that is going around killing people randomly. Yes this movie does seem like it could have some potential, I do like that story. But the problem was the execution was horrible! The ‘secret’ of the mysterious virus is given away 30 minutes into the movie, so there goes any kind of suspense, the acting was dog poop terrible. I mean, I’ve seen better acting and emotions from the girls I’ve been in bed with. Depressing, I know. And don’t get me started on the amazing ending of the movie, jeez that was the most anti-climatic ending I’ve seen ever and I’ve seen a lot of porn.

Let me start of the worst buzz kill of this whole movie. The acting, I mean damn is it so hard to act in this movie? Just everything felt weird in this movie when it came to the acting, weird and awkward. I was kind of surprised when I saw both Mark and Zooey acting less than decent. Though not surprised everyone else sucked, especially the old lady at the end, she couldn’t scare a Hindu with a chopped up cow. At one moment, Mark yells out, “OH MY GOD” and all I could think about was that scene from Trolls 2. I don’t know why the acting was so bad, was it the director not portraying how the scene should of went or was it just lack luster performances from everyone?

Mark, where are your hands going?!

Another thing that bugged me was that the climax, or at least what I thought was the climax, was given away so early. But that isn’t even the worse of it, it was given away by some side character, who had 10 minutes of screen time. If your movie is a thriller/suspense, why give away the whole story so damn early in. This movie made 2001: A Space Odyssey feel well paced. Oh by the way, for the folks who haven’t seen this movie, the plants are our enemies, dear lord that sounds lame. And the ending sucked, I mean it was kinda getting good with 20 minutes left in the movie, the movie picked up and it began to feel suspenseful and out of no where, a wild Shyamalan appears and uses twist! And after that, the movie just gets worse and man do I feel bad.

Overall I thought this movie was terrible, I mean this movie had absoluetly no appealing values in it. There was a horrendous execution of the story, lackluster acting and M. Night Shyamalan. One thing, why does he always need to be in the movies he directs, the characters he plays are so forced and stupid. I do not recommend this movie to anyone, I rather have gingivitis than see this movie again.

PS. This movie has a moral and that is; Stop killing the earth guys! Seriously it isn’t cool! /whiny teenager voice