Alien: Resurrection ... of Puneet's bordeom

Even after many of people telling me not to, I did it anyways. I watched Alien: Resurrection, and yes I was a bit hesitant to watch it. But I’ve seen terrible movies, so this movie cannot be THAT bad, right? Please tell me it can’t be that bad. But I did go into this movie making sure not to make the mistake of comparing this movie to the other Alien movies. So instead, I saw this movie like any other sci-fi movie and it might have been for the better. Click the jump to see if I actually liked the movie.

And you know what, this movie wasn’t terrible. I think I might have liked it more than the third one. But not for the right reasons; in every way this movie was cheesy and b-list bad. Albeit that there was Sigourney Weaver (again), and Winona Ryder, but it couldn’t shake the feeling of cheap and tacky, like those dollar store sunglasses.

For example, the acting was terrible even by Weaver and Ryder. No one in this movie could sell their role if their lives dependant on it. But maybe it wasn’t so much the actors fault as it was that the characters were lame. I mean, they were all so generic. There was Johner who was the typical badass with no sense of care in the world. The leader of the group, who dies real early in the movie, but I didn’t care because I didn’t like him anyways. Than the token black guy, who lives pretty long in this movie … surprisingly.

"Love scene" between Weaver and Newborn

But you know what I had a lot of fun with? The action scenes, they were just over the top goofy and dangerously cheesy. I guess that is a good thing, because I was never bored with the movie, they didn’t try to put in deep and emotional dialogue. Just really bad one liners, but I will get to that in a moment. There was one scene when the group of ‘heros’ are being chased by 2 aliens and they have no choice but to go through a room that is filled with water. They eventually submerge to escape the aliens(remember they are on a ship this whole movie). Oh and jokes on them, the aliens could swim HA-HA! One of the aliens gets blown into pieces by a grenade, which was pretty cool, but for some reason the shock waves only travel short distances in water. But the next scene an alien head butts someone and the shockwave of them travelling through the water disturbs everyone. Also, remember in the Aliens Ripley hung on to the ladder with her arm whilst the queen alien is hanging on to her leg and being sucked out into outer space. Here the same thing happens with a man in the wheel chair holding on for dear life and both a full

grown man and alien are hanging onto him. But of course he doesn’t have the strength and falls by mere gravity, weakling. Ripley 1, wheel chair dude 0.

JONHERRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I mean I was expecting lame scenes like that, but that one really stuck out. But to come back to the topic of one liners, jeez they tried real hard to make some ‘cool’ one liners. The few that I really found good (and I use good real loosely here):

Ripley – Who do I have to fuck to get off this boat?

johner – I can get you off. Maybe not the boat. (My favourite line)

Johner – Earth, man. What a shithole.

(As they travel though Earth’s atmosphere and the ship is catching on fire)

Johner – What’s burning?

Vriess – Us.

Johner – Shit! You’re right!

Now that I mention it, that Johner character is a real comic relief, but thank god for him. He just says the stupidest and funniest things in this movie. And yes, all those lines were acted out real bad and made me laugh becauses they were so corny.

I’ve been talking about this movie for way to long, and I don’t think I should be because it really doesn’t deserve it. But what a movie, it was a perfect cheesy movie. It had terrible and laughable characters and dialogue. The action was over the top and the story felt non-existent. I am glad I saw this movie because I did have fun, hopefully the AVP series is exactly this bad.