Always Bring a Machete To a Gun Fight

I was planning to watch the third instalment of Star Wars, but something came up and I couldn’t watch that movie, instead I watched the "Machete". Which was originally just a fake trailer featured in Grindhouse, but was turned into a movie. Now this movie is star filled and just over the top in every way, which this movie rightfully gets an R rating for. Click more to find out if I actually liked this movie.

I find the story in this movie completely irrelevant, just because it takes a back seat throughout the movie and really doesn’t have much influence. But basically Federale Machete (Trejo) is hired to kill Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), who is running for Texas. After being framed for the attempted murder of the senator, Machete goes on a rampage to seek revenge. All in the mean time figuring out “The Network”, a system that helps illegal immigrants from Mexico find a better life in America, led by Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), who is my favourite in this movie because of all the "The Fast and The Furious" movies I have seen. To help out Machete with his conquest is Sartana (Jessica Alba) who is an immigration officer. Oh also, this movie has Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson and Lindsay Lohan. Yeah, this movie is totally star studded.

To start off, the only complaint I had about this movie was … I really cannot think of any off the top of my head. I guess the dialogue could be better, but I wasn’t expecting this to be amazing at that. All I wanted was cheap thrills: boobs, blood and a lot of guns. And I tell you what, I got all of that. I was amazed at how many naked girls there are in this movie. At a point you see Alba half naked, CGI naked body of coursed, but the imagination fills in the rest. And yes, this movie was filled with so much gore and guns it makes the testosterone in my body spike more than Powerthrist. Oh man, I cannot tell you how manly this movie is; it is sexist, violent and full of action. And I am not ashamed to admit it, but I loved it a lot.

Say two 'Our Fathers' and two shots to the face!

Machete was such a badass in this film, he goes around with his … well machete, and destroys everyone. The opening scene consists of him killing about 10 men in a small house, who all have guns. At one point he chops off a dude who was holding a gun hand off and uses that gun (hand still attached) and kills another dude. Oh yeah, this movie is cheesy as hell but a good amount of cheesy. It was so over the top and hysterical that there was no way you could take this movie seriously. I smiled at all the weird kills Machete had. He even locked a rail gun to his motorbike and well I don’t need to spoil the rest. And my favourite part: PRIEST, DUAL WIELDING SHOTGUNS!

In 5 words, this movie is best described as: awesome, awesome, awesome, and bacon. I mean, this movie isn’t amazing because of its deep script or amazing story. It is only awesome because it is so not serious and over the top action that I was not bored at all. I had so much fun with it and loved almost everything about it. But make sure when you do go see that movie, that you turn your brain off and let the man inside you free.

And if you liked this movie, you might want to check out "Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter", not as well produced but still amazingly cheesy and action-y. No nakedness though.