Going: Commando (1985)

Finally some ‘real’ Arnie movies, and when I say that I mean that there was some brutal action, cheesy lines and generally a tacky story. And I totally classify “Commando” as being a real Arnie movie and to think about it, it is the second real one I’ve seen all month. Enough about how true of an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie this is, here is what I thought of it.

The story is rather generic and rather bland. Arnold plays a retired special agent, John Matrix, who wants to live alone with his daughter away from the public. Not until an inside man releases the information of all the ex-special agents to a bunch of terrorists who want nothing more than revenge. As they start to kill these former agents off one by one, they leave Matrix to be the last one. But he won’t go down without a fight. But not only do the terrorists want him dead, they also want his daughter gone too. And that is a step to far, Matrix is now determined to find out the leader of this group and kill them all. But don’t think he is alone in this; he gets help from an unlikely source.

Shirtless and firing an auto-rifle.

Let me cut to the bad stuff first: the story is predictable. I mean a blind monkey could see the plot develop 4 steps in advance. Secondly, the acting is mediocre to a point where I thought the cast was full of b-list actors. And lastly, the characters were as deep as the shallow end of a pool. And this kind of goes with the acting, I didn’t really care for anybody in particular, everybody just blended in with every other side character. But none of these are huge complaints just a few things I wanted to warn you readers about.

Now the good stuff: anything Arnold does. Okay I am probably being a bit biased because I think Arnold is meant to play any character that shoots a big gun and shoots off cheesy one-liners. But here lies the underlying problem: I find over the top, cheesy stuff entertaining. I like when Arnold goes around plowing down enemies with this automatic rifle, I like when he beats up wave after wave of bad guys with his big muscles. And I especially like his one-liners. And I will agree with most when I say it isn’t a well-made movie. Especially when I can start to point out continuity flaws, the yellow Porsche is in perfect condition when Arnie drives away in it after it had rolled over. Or when I complain about fundamental parts in a movie like the acting and story, but I can’t help myself to enjoy Arnold in his movies.

The rocket launcher was slightly over the top, but very awesome.

Let me further explain his one-liners. They were especially good in Commando, even funnier than the ones in “Predator” and “Terminator”. When it comes to cheesiness Arnie is in his own level, well beyond the norm of cheesy. Just think of a poutine from a local fast food joint, that is the norm of cheesy. Arnie is double the cheese and minus the gravy, and possibly remove the fries too. The few lines I enjoyed the most were the following: Arnie kills an enemy on the plane and to disguise him, he puts a blanket over and a hat covering his face. When the waitress comes by he explains to her, “Don't disturb my friend, he's DEAD tired.” Or after he kills someone else by throwing a pipe through him and puncturing a barrel and steam is coming out. Arnold’s response: Let off some steam”. That one made me laugh so hard, my ribs started to hurt.

I could go on and on about his quotes, but why do that when we have IMDB Memorable quotes for Commando. This movie has the perfect formula for my entertainment. It has mind numbing, but awesome action accompanied by a humorous script and simple story. I agree that most people won’t find these types of Arnold movies all that entertaining; they want something new, fresh and something to titillate their brains. These movies are none of that and I love it for the cheese factor and rather silly movie gimmicks.

Arnold rating:

One-liners: Super cheesy and super awesome.

Action: A bit too over the top near the end with the explosions but the hand to hand combat is really something to be admired.