Reader Recommendation: The Villain

I actually got a recommendation for an Arnie movie from one of our readers, @sniperct. He said I should check out “The Villain” because it is like a live action Wiley Coyote movie. This was great to hear because I love The Road Runner show, and the last few Arnie movies have been pretty bad so hopefully this will turn out good. And from looking at the cover, this was going to be a western. Yep you read correctly, Arnie in a western, what can’t that man do? All the fun stuff after the jump.

An old and obviously washed out cowboy, Cactus Jack, is hired by a rich businessman, Avery Jones, to kidnap Charming Jones and hold her for ransom. Miss Jones is on her way back to her home from the train station. And obviously a pretty girl like her can’t travel the lawless world of the west safely, so her father sends a good friend to escort her. Handsome Stranger (Arnold) is a by the books Sheriff, but he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. On the contrary, he is absolutely blind from Charming’s advances at him.

Handsome's seven shot six shooter isn't the gun Miss Jones wants to see.

@sniperct hit the nail on the head, this movie is an exact copy of The Road Runner show. Where Cactus Jack is Wiley and both Charming and Stranger are the road runner (minus the intelligence). Every scheme that Wiley has performed was played out here. Cactus has the worst of luck, and nothing seems to roll his way. Except the boulders of course, roll right into and over him. The whole scheme where Jack paints a ‘tunnel’ on the side of a cliff expecting the two to crash into it was done. The antics were pretty funny and amusing to watch, just like the cartoons.

But here lies the underlying problem. Not only have I seen all this before, numerous of times, makes all these just so predictable. And sadly, this makes it very boring to watch. And again, because it is all in live action, the pranks never feel wacky. Even when Jack tries to jump on top of a train from a cliff, misses and lands on gravel face first was bland, almost pathetic. That goofy tone that cartoons have is missing here. Lastly, the stunts weren’t performed all that fluidly. It would jump scenes a lot, leaving you to fill in what happened from scene to scene. One moment Cactus Jack is glued himself to a rail crossing, the next a train is approach and right after he is caught and being carried by the train.

Cactus Jack sure did "catch" the train.

The biggest thing that bugged me about this movie was the ending. It was abrupt and I was thinking “That’s it?” The movie doesn’t really wrap up anything, it just stops. A sexually frustrated Charming is left to choose between Handsome and Jack. She chooses to be with Jack because he will ‘ravage her’. And she kisses him and he bounces around a bit.

I went into this movie thinking, oh I will for sure like this movie. It has Arnold, western and Acme branded humour. But nothing really gave me a chuckle; I was let unsatisfied, bored and confused. I guess not all Arnie movies can be good, let’s hope I get to the good movies soon.