Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus

MONSTER MOVIE TIME! Yes, “Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus” is the sequel to “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus”. And I’ll admit that I hated the first one but I decided to go into this movie with a complete optimistic attitude and try to find the good in anything. And trust me when I say, I was scrapping the bottom of the barrel to find anything good to say. But before I give away to much in the intro, let me get into the story.

Did I say story? Sorry lack of story. We land in the deep jungle of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where an illegal diamond mining excavation leads to the workers finding the Crocosaurus. Which is a 100 foot croc. To make matters worse, Urkel, I mean Terry McCormick (Jaleel White) and his navy crew find out that the Megalodon (Mega Shark) is still alive. And from what I got from this movie was that the Crocosaurus laid a bunch of eggs and the Mega Shark wants to eat it for lunch. Crocosaurus don’t like that so the two get into this epic (lack of a better work) battle. And just like what the movie tagline is: “Whoever wins, we lose”.

RUN URKEL RUN!

Now I can easily go on and on about how the acting is as impressive as moldy cheese. And how the CGI effects were as out of place as me at a square dancing competition. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are these two monsters going at it for no real good reason. I mean how cool is that. We all dreamed about two huge monsters fighting, this just takes our dreams and papier mache them into a movie. With the same quality as papier mache.

As much as I really wanted this movie to be good, it wasn’t. The biggest problem was the sense of direction. There was none, it was just a bunch of ideas they had in their heads mashed into a random sequence. And I’m going to go on a limb and say this, but this movie felt rushed. And that sounds silly that I am saying this for a movie like this, but it’s true. If they put some time into the segues, or even putting in segues. I wouldn’t mind so much.

Hey, they just ripped off “Free Willy”

The truly devastating part is that the action was not all that cheesy. I wanted something over the top with melted cheese on it. But none of that, they tried too hard to be taken seriously. The few good scenes were with the Mega Shark. At one point an submarine shoots a missile at him, the shark just bits the missile and it gets shot up into the sky. Another key moment was when we first see the Croc it comes out of the cave with everyone running for their lives. As one poor man runs, the Croc steps on him and the effects looked like someone stepped on a ketchup package.

I really didn’t expect this movie to be good, even acceptable. But I wanted to find some enjoyment out of it. And the little I did wasn’t all that great. I was looking for more over the top action and wished they hadn’t tried to focus on what they considered a plot. I want to recommend this movie as a fun monster movie you can watch with your friends, but it isn’t any of that. Save your time and watch Godzilla.

I’m a oversized Croc, watch my terrible CGI!