Happy "ThanksKilling" everybody! (2009)

Not so long ago, Jim had the unfortunate luck of watching “ThanksKilling” and since that day, I’ve been drooling over the chance to check this masterpiece out. Now if you haven’t read Jim’s review, it’s here. In the spirit of Canadian Thanksgiving day, it isn’t only fitting to check out “ThanksKilling”, a horror comedy with a murderous turkey. A brilliant idea if I say so myself. Read why I didn't peck my eyes out after watching this timeless classic.

Just like every other horror comedy out there, the movie deals with a bunch of kids in the woods. Well of course during their camp out in the woods, one of the teens figures out that there is a killer turkey out on the loose. Every 505 years, the killer turkey makes its rounds and kills off any non-Native American residents. As the killer turkey wreaks havoc on the residents of Crawberg, located in the heart of the United States of Gobble, the kids got to find a way and destroy this menace.

Saying gibberish in reverse kills off evil turkey spirits.

Similarly to the story, the whole movie is just as ridiculous. But I kind of like these movies, they are usually light hearted, full of terrible puns and cheesy special effects. And if that is all you’re looking for in a movie, this movie has plenty of it. But along with these goofy antics, also comes the terrible script, the emotionless actors and of course the tacky characters. But all can be forgiven if the movie offers up more laughs than duds.

A few of the more tolerable moments in this movie all have one crucial character to do with it, the killer turkey. His terribly awesome puns and ironic way of disembowelling his victims brings a lot of chuckles my way. Especially his one-liners, not as good as Arnies, but still carry a punch peck. One of his better lines are “Gobble Gobble Motherfucker!” Classy, yet sophisticated in a flightless kind of way. Sadly he might have been the only good character in the whole movie, the rest of the cast are filled with hungry college kids doing anything for a few brews and a food stamp.

Warning: Some turkeys know how to use face masks to fool humans.

Let me not go without telling you about the ‘special’ (and I mean special with a helmet) effects. They are so awful; they make your grade 2 science project impressive to Dr. Frankenstein. Where can I begin on why it is so bad? Was it the kool-aid blood, maybe. The rubber intestines, possibily. Oh wait, it was the hologram turkey lying on the side of the road. That takes the cake, the imaginary cake.

But wait, there is more. How about the puns that weld the ability to kill more brain cells than slamming your head against the wall, repeatedly?  I’ll give it to them, that some of them are just plain ‘punny’, but a lot of them are just plain weak. And to top it all off, they fuse the puns with delicious sexual innuendos. Because why isn’t it funny when you here a turkey yell “You got stuffed” after having intercourse with a girl? Stay classy, turkey.

"Gobble Gobble, Motherfucker"

At the end of it all, I didn’t have that bad of a time. The lack of quality script, decent actors and a special effects artist who can use more than just rubber is well missed. But the overall product is laughably bad. The puns and the lack of sensibility leave a good after taste in my mouth. If anything productive comes out of this movie, it is that it will make a great drinking game. I had fun, and thankfully the movie is only 66 minutes long, so you don’t waste THAT much time.

Rules for the Thanks-for-Killings my brain cells:

1.       Drink for every pun.

2.       Drink for every sexual innuendo (two if it is intertwined with a pun).

3.       Everybody pound back a jagerbomb and fist pump when the killer turkey says a one-liner.

4.       Finish your drink for when bare breasts are exposed

5.       Take a swig when body parts look like your mothers meatloaf.

6.       When the movie is done, call an ambulance. Because you might need your stomach pumped at this point.