Why the heck did I watch "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)" (2009)

 I’ve heard about “The Human Centipede (First Sequence)” numerous of times. And none of it made any real sense to me. The overall story of it is completely wacky. But that is what really drew me into it; just the absurdity of it all was creepy. Knowing that this movie is primarily a movie that aims to shock you more than just scare you, I thought I was ready. I’ve already seen enough weird and creepy movies such as “Ichi the Killer” and “Audition”, I was sure I was ready to take this on. Though after watching I think I tried to chew off more than I can swallow. Oh I really wish I didn’t say that last line. I want to give a fair amount of warning, from here on out I will not censor myself and you might read something that will gross you out.


Are you ready for this? I really hope you are, because here it is. What we have is this disturbing idea that connecting the anus of one person to the mouth of another is a great idea. And from what I’ve learned from “Clerks 2” is you NEVER go ass to mouth. Anyways, this German scientist’s life goal is to create a pet for himself by creating a human centipede with three humans. He accomplishes this by abducting these three tourists and surgically attaching them together as mentioned before. He dubs this a gastric Siamese triplet, and he is honestly fond with his creation.

Why are German Scientists always off the wall mental?

 Now obviously this isn’t a movie you would likely show to your grandmother, unless of course she is into that stuff than you might have the coolest granny in town. But as grotesque as this film goes, the movie isn’t that graphic. There might be a few drops of blood and some surgical scenes, but nothing as disturbing when comparing it to other movies like the “Saw” series. The movie is more directed into an ‘escape from the mad man’s house’ style of movie. Where these captive prisoners are doing all they can to escape. And because of this, this movie provides some serious tense moments. I was sincerely at the edge of my seat for the latter half of this movie.

But the first half of this movie is very different, almost the exact opposite. It starts off like most slasher films. Two ditzy girls get a flat tire in the middle of a country road, and as they search for help they run into the mad scientist’s house. Than it follows with a slow escalation to him drugging the girls, tying them up and introducing the idea of the human centipede. This is probably the most agonizing and boring part of the movie. We have nothing really happening and the buildup is pretty non-existent. But if you can over see this and the disturbing plot, you might be able to enjoy this film.

There is no 'me' in "Human Centipede". Thank God there is no me in there.

What really stood out is the mad scientist himself, Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser). Heiter is the perfect balance of batshit crazy and off the walls lunacy. This movie does not over do on how insane Heiter is. His cold and serious interaction with his creation is well played. I genuinely believed that Heiter justified this experiment to be something that isn’t out of this world. He doesn’t act out any more crazy than Hannibal Lectar, all until he loses his patience a few times. Heiter was the one that freaked me out the most, his character was just perfect for this otherwise deranged movie.

To sum it all up, this isn’t a movie that’ll freak people out. The idea of it all is a lot grosser than what is shown on screen. For example, the movie implies when the head humans is taking a number two, the girl in the middle is taking in the leaders poop. But you don’t see any of that just her reaction, which to be honest fell short. And if you can get over the unnatural story line, this movie is better than a lot of b-list movies. It might even surprise you on how good it is. But it falls way far from being great.