The Return of Nic Cage! The Wicker Man (2006)

At the beginning of the year, I had been making it a point to watch a lot of the Nicolas Cage movies, both good and bad. I'm not sure why, but I just like him, even when he's at his worst. Especially when he's at his worst! The crazier the better I say! Today I took a step back into that realm by watching The Wicker Man. This is a remake to a 1973 film of the same name, but I've never seen that one. Similar to Vampire's Kiss, I had seen a fair number of clips of Cage going crazy in this film. I was most curious what the context was of punching a woman while in a bear suit? I'd heard people say this movie was bad, but I was looking for a "so bad it's good" film. So did I find it? You'll find out on the other side of the jump!


The story for The Wicker Man is simple on the outside, but the plot becomes kinda crazy. So much that it is actually hard to follow what's going on. Nicolas Cage plays Edward Malus (pronounced May-Lus), a police officer who receives an unusual letter from an old flame saying that her daughter has been kidnapped and she needs his help. He takes off to the remote island community and is greeted with unfriendly stares from the locals. He quickly begins his investigation, with little help from his ex who seems terrified for her daughter's life, as well as her own, if she is caught talking to him. It's all up to him to find the little girl, and he's pretty much on his own.

Nicolas Cage freaks out quite a lot, but honestly, I can't blame him

This movie gets a lot of flack as being one of Nic Cages worst films, possibly ever. There's an easy to find clip that shows several scenes of Cage flipping out and punching a bunch of women in the face, or threatening them for seemingly no reason. That's the problem with clips being out of context. Sure he freaks out about how a doll got burned a little obsessively, but consider that everyone on the island has been screwing around with him. He's trying to find a kidnapped girl, who he's only recently found out is his own daughter, and no one is helping him, not even the mother! To make things worse, there's talk about an upcoming "Festival of Death!" Oh, did I mention he just spent a whole night trying not to drown? If I was that exhausted, stressed, confused and desperate, I think I'd lose it too!

When I watched the film, one of the most confusing things about the movie was the crazy, roundabout way the women on the island talked. All the men seem to have their tongues cut out, cause they never speak, so that just leaves the psycho women. There's more than one conversation that just seems to loop around and never get any answers for Malus. There was a whole scene where his ex almost never completed a whole sentence. She'd start, and then suddenly just stop talking and stare blankly at him like she forgot her lines. Then she's confused why he starts yelling at her! I'm sure this can all be simply attributed to one of the worst scripts in movies, but while I was watching the film, it all just got chalked up to the women of the island covering up something and generally being crazy. I'm surprised he never broke down and just screamed "What the HELL is going on?!" That's what I would have done!

CREEPY CRAZY WOMEN!!

One thing I will blame the movie for directly, is being absolutely terrible at explaining what's going on unless it's just a huge batch of exposition. Unless someone just stands around and tells you what's happening, almost nothing makes sense. There are huge questions that are never even touched on. For instance, why are there so many twins? There are twin girls of all ages all over the island. Oddly it seems like Malus never actually takes notice, but I sure as hell did. I just wanted to know why, or how, that was possible, but it's never even mentioned. They do bring up another question, like why are there so few men, but they never answer it. Then, probably the biggest crime of the movie is the ending. I don't want to spoil anything, but my reaction was literally me turning to my friend and saying "What? That's it?!" It just ends so suddenly and abruptly, and in such a weird way that it only confused me.

They say never look down on a gift, but a hat of angry bees is a bad gift, especially when you're allergic!

I can totally see why people will rail against this movie, the ending, confusing script and terrible dialog is definitely, undeniably horrible. I would disagree, however, with people complaining with Nic Cage's acting, because I was so pissed off and annoyed with all the crazy women on the island screwing him around, that I was SO happy to see him finally lose it and start decking people! Trust me, they're evil, they deserved it! Actually the only way it could have been better is if he just started shooting them!

Can I recommend this movie? Not with a sound mind. But if you want to see how those clips of Nic Cage freaking out fit together, then it could make a good showing with the right crowd. This is definitely a movie you'll end up ripping apart while laughing with friends. To be honest, I think Cage is the strongest part of the film. If there was just some bland boring anybody else in this exact same movie, it would be utterly forgettable. As it is however, I'll never forget what I've seen today!