Force Fed Films: The Happening (2008)

I must have offended him at some point, because this week Puneet gave me The Happening to watch. He had already seen it himself, by his own free will, because he has some sick and twisted opinion that Mark Wahlberg is something similar to a capable actor. The truth is he more often gasps his way, blindly stumbling through most scenes he's in. Sure some movies are better than others, but that's not saying much. If it hasn't become clear, I dislike Mr. Wahlberg, and as the saying goes, "If you don't like it, don't watch it" and that's usually what I do. Unfortunately this is the aptly named "Force Fed Film" of the week, and so I didn't have the choice. The best I can hope for is some kind of horrendous train wreck of a film which becomes so bad, it's good. Hit the jump to see if I was even that lucky.


Oh my God ... Usually at this point I give a bit of a ramble about what the story of the film is. I don't know if I should even bother with this one. You shouldn't EVER see this movie. It's that bad. Basically, people are killing themselves all over the place, and it turns out the thing that's killing them is the trees and plants. Oh, did I just spoil it? GOOD! Don't see this movie!

Zooey trying to say she's sorry for putting us through this. Mark is just confused.

Seriously, the story in this movie is terrible. It has the smallest bit of science and regularly unconnected tidbits about plants all thrown together into a big giant mess. Apparently I'm supposed to believe that all the trees and plants in the world have all instantly evolved (in the exact same way) some kind of neurotoxin that not only effects only humans, but causes them to commit suicide with whatever is around them. Some of these people get pretty creative. And it must also block all pain receptors, how else would a man feed himself arm by arm to lions at the zoo? Now if neurotoxin wasn't bad enough, I guess the trees can control the wind too, as there is a chase scene of the wind FOLLOWING people, and chasing them down. So is it the wind, or the trees? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

The way the story is delivered is horrendous too. The script is trash. People seem to say things for no reason. At one point Zooey Deschanel asks what species a tree is, after she gets her answer, nothing more is said. Why bother saying that at all?! Almost everything else is just pure exposition! They can't show us what's happening, they have to explain everything like the audience is stupid. Multiple times, they remind us that "plants can emit chemicals" or "plants respond to human stimulus." And as if we still won't believe them, the side character who says that last one throws in that "there was a study." This same guy later blathers on about how trees can talk to bushes, and bushes to grass etc. GIVE ME A BREAK!

Hey it's John Leguizamo! And some kind of startled deer beside him

Speaking of side characters, what was up with these people? One guy is obsessed with hot dogs, the military guy they meet is the most passive and harmless person in the world, and a nice old lady is just plain crazy! I couldn't tell if these moments were supposed to be funny or creepy or what? Even the other characters in the scenes don't seem to know what's going on! Not a single person in this movie acts normally. I'm simply baffled.

As for the main characters, they're the worst offenders of all. Well, except for John Leguizamo, he was alright in this, but stands out like a real person in a sea of mannequins. Zooey Deschanel, who is normally pretty good, or at least harmless, spits out lines like she's reading them for the first time. She never seems comfortable in the role and there are moments, when combined with Mark Wahlberg, that are simply dreadfully awkward. Finally, we have Wahlberg himself. If I ever need the perfect example of why he's a bad actor, I will now, for the rest of my life and until I die, point to this movie as my evidence. He never feels genuine, and feels like a piece of plastic come to life. He is flat, and seems confused almost all the time. Even when he shouldn't be. I'm sure people will point at the director, M. Night Shyamalan as the cause for this, but come on, a seasoned actor, even Wahlberg, should be able to recite a few lines in a way that seems somewhat human!

"Acting?"

Nothing ever happens in this movie except for a few small bursts of suicide at the start. The actors spend a large amount of time wandering through fields and running away from the wind which the trees have sent after them, I guess. At one point the camera zooms in on a car running over some grass as if to say "now they're in for it!" Also remember that if there is a deadly poison neurotoxin in the air, which can instantly affect a large group of people, if you're not standing near other people, then you'll be fine even when it hits you. Yeah, that's in this too. Like I said, this movie is garbage! In every way I can think of, it's bad. I didn't even think acting could be this bad without being funny, but there's nothing funny about this movie. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!